you know i always try to stay positive but i feel myself starting to fall backwards again. could it be that i feel the season is changing again? who knows? but this i do know...i feel like everything I'm doing is wrong. like i am missing something important that i should be working on. i think a lot of it has to do with the people in my life. i feel like i should be at the same level as them. like there is something wrong with me cuz i am not at the same point in life that they are. I'm super grateful i haven't been cast out cuz i am not. otherwise i don't know what i would do. but everyone i know seems to have so much going on in their lives and all i have is work. my best friend who is pretty much my sister is pregnant and i am so thrilled for lily to get here! I've honestly never been more excited for a baby in my life! with other people i know who've gotten married and had children. it just makes me feel like I'm not as mature as them in a sense. idk if that makes sense but that's just how i feel.
another reason is cuz i am still living with my parents. don't get me wrong i absolutely love living at home. i wish i could help out more financially. but when i get another job i def will more. but honestly i feel like i am making up for lost time with the separation of my mom and dad. i love hanging out with mom and mike. but i see myself as a child when i am with them. and to be honest its really soothing. maybe i have issues i need to work on rather than just pushing em away but i don't know how to fix what is broken. i love my life and i don't see why referring to the past will help. I'm fine with how things turned out. i think i just grew up too fast and now that i have this sense of what family is really supposed to be like i am reverting back in time to the feeling of being young. i consider myself a mature, responsible adult but there are definitely things i need to work on.
guess I'll just have to ride this roller coaster out and see where it takes me.
No comments:
Post a Comment