nerves of steel

i wish i had them. sadly i don't and i tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. as the saying goes. its just hard to play the part 24/7. what i am thankful for is that there is one place where i am truly happy and at peace. thats Steph and Jared's. i really don't know how much of a mess i would be without them. there house is my escape. once i walk into that house the outside world and all its bad news doesn't exist. they can wait outside the door but i don't worry about it when i am there.

the fact that lily has yet to make her appearance has everyone on edge. i text Mary yesterday asking her a question and she said i nearly gave her a heart attack because she thought Steph was going into labor. i felt bad but it did make me realize that everyone is as anxious as us.

yesterday was just a weird day for me. i was OK once i was able to calm down, and just breathe but this whole waiting thing has me going a lil crazy. its not necessarily the waiting itself, its just whats to come thats the hard part. i'm just glad that lily will be here by that time. she is keeping me sane in this crazy emotional battle i have brewing inside my heart.